Ayomide had a runny stomach on Monday morning and was too weak to go to school. By the end of the day, his father found out he was simply anxious about resuming school, and that resulted in the tummy upset. Emeka’s mother spent Monday morning discussing his poor academic performance with Emeka’s class teacher and insisting they organized extra coaching for him. Tobiloba, a 5-year-old, comes home every day with assignments that take at least three hours to complete. By the time she’s done, it is time for her to sleep. She no longer has time to play like her mates. Hadiza has become withdrawn and miserable since she resumed in SS1. She loves reading novels and wanted to be in arts class, but her parents insisted that she was too brilliant to be in the arts. She was placed in science class upon the recommendation of the school and her parents, who have insisted that she study to become a doctor.
Stories like these are becoming increasingly common, with many Nigerian schoolchildren simply overwhelmed by the academic pressure and workload. Nigerian schools are very competitive environments. The cultural emphasis on academic excellence and parental pressure, combined with this stress, often culminates in significant childhood anxiety. Many parents who should help matters are making it worse with unrealistic expectations. Some insist that their children must skip classes and graduate from the university before age 20!! Many of these children struggle emotionally; some comply as best as they can, others rebel, and in some cases, they seek solace in drugs and other deviant behaviours.
SIGNS YOUR CHILD MAY BE STRUGGLING
● Frequent headaches or stomach aches, especially before school or exams
● Sleep problems—difficulty falling asleep or nightmares about school
● Changes in eating habits
● Withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy
● Irritability, tears, or angry outbursts over homework
● Procrastination due to perfectionism that paralyses them from trying
● Statements like “I’m stupid” or “I can’t do anything right”
● School refusal or frequent requests to stay home.
These aren’t signs of laziness; they may be distress signals and a call for help.
What parents can do
1. Examine your own expectations
Be honest: Are you living your unfulfilled dreams through your child? Are you comparing them to others in your mind? Children feel this pressure, and it can be overwhelming.
Your child is not a ‘mini-you’; they are a person with their own unique strengths and weaknesses. Their academic performance is not the only measure of their potential or worth.
2. Make the home a safe haven.
When your children arrive home, let them relax and de-stress after school. Before asking about schoolwork, ensure that they have eaten, freshened up, and relaxed. Ask about their well-being, their school friends, favourite subjects and teachers and other school activities – and not just assignments and tests.
3. Redefine success in your conversations
Instead of asking “Did you come first?”, or “What did you score?”, ask “What did you learn today?” or “What was interesting?” Praise their efforts, not just their results. If they scored 20 in a previous test and 25 in the new test, acknowledge that. “I’m proud of how hard you studied” matters more than the actual grade. Children who are praised for effort become more resilient and willing to tackle challenges. When your child fails a test, resist the urge to punish or lecture immediately. Ask “What was difficult?” and “How can we approach this differently next time?” Problem-solve together rather than assigning blame. You are their parent, not a taskmaster. Guide gently and warmly.
4. Balance academics with childhood
Ensure your child has time for play, hobbies, family interaction, and adequate sleep (9-11 hours for primary school children, 8-10 hours for secondary school students). A well-rested, balanced child learns better than an exhausted, pressured one.
5. Help them develop coping strategies
Teach and practise coping techniques with them until they become habits.
● Breaking big tasks into smaller steps
● Using a simple study schedule to avoid last-minute panic
● Deep breathing when they feel overwhelmed
● Positive self-talk: replacing “I can’t do this” with “This is hard, but I can try my best”
CONCLUSION
Your child’s mental health is not a luxury you can worry about after they enter university. It’s a foundation that determines whether they will have the emotional strength to pursue and enjoy whatever success they achieve. Celebrate their efforts alongside achievement. Let them know they are valued for who they are, not what they score. Academic excellence should not be at the cost of your child’s childhood or mental well-being. And if you are worried that your child is struggling emotionally, seek professional help without hesitation. Let this New Year be a new beginning of providing emotional support and nurturing for your children.
– Jubril Abdulmalik
@ Nigerian Tribune
